Where to begin. It is always hard to start writing especially when you are writing something you don’t want to. Something that hurts. Something not quite thought out. I am just really confused. I have gone through a gamut of emotions. And in the end I am no more clear as to how I feel then when I started.
Or am I? If I had written this at any time before this moment, it would have come out completely different. The result would have been entirely polar. But now with a bit of retrospect, I hope I am a bit wiser.
You know that I love you. I believe more than anyone...ever. I cannot explain exactly why, I just know that I do. But sometimes that is not enough. Circumstances, timing, etc can effect what should be bliss.
I could write a novel about us and what should be, what I feel, and the past, present, and future of us, but really it comes down to one multifaceted question. When you look at me, when you look in the mirror and think of me…what do you think, what do you feel, what do you see? I really need to understand this. Not the surface stuff...like you have striking eyes and shiny hair – a horse can have memorable eyes and a nice coat. I mean the stuff inside. The stuff that really matters.
While there is no real right answer to the above question, yet there are several wrong ones. If I could point you in the right direction, I would. But that would be cheating. Besides, I don’t know that I know. It is one of those things that you don’t fully comprehend until it is digested. You could answer the question with what seems a good retort, only to find that upon settling in...it makes for an uneasy feeling.
